Here is a child who would like to hear from other children with parents who drink too much, making the child feel sad and angry. If this fits you, send your story along and we'll post the best ones here so all can share. E-mail your comments to email@example.com. We protect the confidentiality of everyone, but the Depressed Child needs to know your name.
When I was 8 years old, we moved. Soon after that, my family noticed my dad’s alcohol problem. He was sent to prison for a little while because of it, but after that, he started getting treated. He has been slowly getting better at resisting alcohol but occasionally I can smell and see its effects.
Soon after that, my mom started drinking. She drank really bad and was asleep on the couch almost all day. We had to send her to detox about 6-7 times so far and treatments 3-5, but every time she got home, when nobody was looking, she would get drunk.
When my parents are drunk, I feel entitled to look out for them and make sure they are safe. Sometimes when they are asleep, I go out and check if they are still breathing...
Eventually, my parents started hating each other and so my mom had to move in with my grandparents. Now our family has been torn apart as I have grown away from my parents and we have run out of money. We are using a food card to survive.
I envy some of my friends at how big their houses are and how much stuff they have when I have nothing very good. Sure I still have video games but seeing what my friends have with their wii’s and x-box 360’s, I really envy them. But at the same time I know how lucky we are that we have those few luxuries.
Sometimes in school I just sit there, staring blankly at the wall. I really wish that alcohol had never been invented and that everybody could just be happy and nice to each other. But human nature prevents that. At times I just want to beat the snot out of my parents and scream at them for being so stupid and putting me at risk. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Pretend it isn’t happening and hold everything in, or scream and yell and cuss to blow off steam?
Sometimes I also wonder if I will ever be truly happy. I hope that one day this will all be over. I never want to feel like this again after its over -- which only God knows when (if he even exists, which I’m starting to doubt due to his inaction to help us). It’s hard to cope with everything in the world, but, as a friend recently told me, “If you hope for long enough, everything will end up right in the end”.
I hope whoever reads this can learn from my story and the other stories on this website to know that they aren’t the only one out there with these feelings, although sometimes it feels like it. Its even worse if you are an only child like me because you have nobody to help ease the pain and confide in.
A Child of Alcoholics